I am a worrier by nature, but I credit myself a lot for making improvement with this in the past few years. I am getting better at just rolling with the punches and trying to let things happen as they will. I have learned that stressing myself out over things that I have no control over is pointless at best and can get you into a depressive hole very quickly if you let it.
However, a few things are starting to really work their way into the deep parts of my mind.
The "silly" one first.
Will I ever get Livers potty trained? Because her la-di-da approach to it is starting to get under my fingernails just a wee bit. The logical part of my brain screams not to push her. She'll be ready when she's ready, and forcing the issue will make it worse. However, the exhausted mom who's sick of changing poop diapers and the husband who's had enough want her to get this the eff over.
Next, it's the economy, stupid.
I feel that I've been pretty reserved with my fears. I watch the DOW ticker on CNN bounce up and down (OK, just fall down, down, down) just like any other Joe Schmoe American, but I've been quite realistic with how it will effect me personally. My husband and I didn't get ourselves over our heads when we could've. We've been pretty decent about managing our debt. He has a pretty solid job that should stay that way. But on bad days it can be very difficult to keep myself from imagining when the house of cards will fall for us and things will REALLY start to hit home. I pray that we will continue to have the blessings that we have had.
Finally, the big one.
I have been pretty peach keen (how 50's of me to say so) until this weekend when the Swine Flu media blitz started to hit a fever pitch. I don't know if it is the constant media coverage or the documentary still fresh in my mind that I watched not two months ago that described what would likely happen in the next pandemic, but I am quite frankly scared s#@less. I can usually push my (irrational) fears into the recesses of my mind, but this has been all-consuming to me for days. A lot of it has to do with the fact that it's not just me that I have to think about. I have a husband I love and a daughter I adore, and the thoughts of losing one of them or dying myself and not being there to grow old with J or to watch Livers grow up has me sweating. I also know that, unfortunately for the world as a whole in this type of situation, we are a true global society, and any type of illness is 24-hours to anywhere. There is no hiding from illness, because we are all so interdependent on each other as a nation and on other countries that we cannot hole up on the family farm and ride things out, because all of our basic necessities have to come from somewhere or someone else. And we don't have family farms anymore.
I want to stop living in fear. I know I can't throw caution to the wind, but I do want to go on living my life (with care), because worrying about what might not be gets me nowhere and sends my mind down a bad road that is difficult to turn around on. I know this isn't a very chipper post, but I needed to get this out of my head and hopefully gets some words of encouragement and prayers from afar.
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7 comments:
i might be able to help, or make things worse... let's see...
ok, here's my potty training story: the oldest one, i sent away to stay with his grandparents for a week. i was on bedrest with my youngest, and when he came back, it was done. would that be an option? ship her off to grandma? if not, just wait it out. youngest was VERY past three when he finally was ready. however, as much of a pain as it was changing diapers, i NEVER, NOT ONCE had to wash sheets or clothes because the kid didn't have even one accident. he waited until he had the whole thing figured out and then went for it. he's still like that today.
so the economy... i am a little worried, too. only because everything is happening SO fast.
okay, swine flu... this falls under SLIGHTLY irrational. but, i am not judging. i know that when my kids were little, i would worry a lot about this type of thing. i think part of it is they are so little and need protection. as my kids are bigger, i know they could save my ass if we accidentally drove into a river or fend off any kind of attacker/abductor. so, i guess don't let it consume you, but don't worry that your worries are so frequent!
finally, i am in the process of surrendering control, myself. letting go of the stuff i have no control over. i still chew on the things i do have control over, but tornadoes, the plague, armageddon, i have just let them all go... i think God got so sick of hearing my manic pleas to not let me be eaten by lions, that he just wiped out that part of my brain. works for me!
Hi Lindsay
I hope the potty training comes together for Livers very soon. I am sure it will. Maybe if she spends time with some other kids who are potty trained she may want to be like them and try harder. Just a thought!
With regard to the economy and the swine flu. I feel just like you about both but have decided to 'cross that bridge when I come to it' if you know what I mean. I would go crazy if I gave either one much thought.
I will pray for you today and am sending you a hug.
Lindsay
x
I'm with Deb on the potty training - each child is so different - they will go when they are ready!
the economy - can't think about it - get too freaked out!
There is only one God-given task in life: breathe in and out.
That is it.
It's my simple way to say 'meh' to all the other things I have absolutely no control over.
As for Livers, might I suggest a bell. Sure candy is a great motivator, but an annoying and LOUD noise for them the create moves mountains :o)
Lindsay, I'm totally freaking over the swine flu thing, too. I read "The Hot Zone" years ago about how quickly a new pandemic can cover the world, and I've never forgotten. It doesn't take much (SARS, bird flu, and now frigging swine flu) to whip me into a hypochondriac frenzy. Like you, it's mostly because I have young kids.
My friends are telling me to chill, no big deal, but I'd rather overreact and be prepared than not to react until it's too late.
I am completely the opposite. I regard everything I hear as rubbish. I think the media blows everything out of proportion and therefore disregard everything I hear as unimportant. Probably too much, but I do. If something awful really were to happen, I'd be the one saying, "Oh, isn't THAT bad." I will leave all my worrying to you. :)
I have taken an ostrich approach to the economy, especailly since we HAD to buy a house and a car.
If you are worried about the swine flu, do what you would do during "regular" flu season - wash those hands often, and well (good time to practice the ABC song) and hang out at home/avoid public places as much as possible. One thing we did when the girls were infants and RSV was a big concern was to have Hubby change his clothes and wash his hands and face immediately when he got home, before he even saw the girls. That way he didn't share anything he had been exposed to during the day when they cuddled with him.
You will make it through this!
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