Giving Thanks

After Monday's ever-so-cheerful post, Mommy Mo' reminded me with her brief but poignant post that I should stop worrying about what sucks and start dwelling on what doesn't. She posed the question, "What about you?" What are you thankful for? And I want to take a brief moment to put into words the things that I am thankful for in my life and in this world. Some of them are likely trite by some standards. Some are probably kind of stupid. Some are serious. Nevertheless, they are my reasons to wake up every morning, take a deep breath, and realize that through it all, the stress, the worries, the fears, and the apprehensions, there are still things that are beautiful in this world and things for which I must give thanks.

So what am I thankful for?

• God, who has given me life on this earth and the promise of another one after this one passes, and who always has my best interest at heart.
• J, who loves me despite my flaws, who takes care of me in ways no one else can, and who works so hard so that I can have the opportunity to stay at home and raise our children and give him a home worth coming home to every night.
• Livers, whose constant sweet chattering is music to my ears and whose smile, laughter, and tiny little girl hugs and kisses melt my heart even in the darkest of times.
• Rainbows and bright colors, because their warmth fills my mind with joy and happiness.
• A roof over my head and a warm bed at night in times when people are losing theirs.
• Food in my family's bellies when some go without.
• Livers going to the potty 4 out of the 5 times (!!!!!) that I put her on it today. Two times were in public! (I must complain on my blog more. Apparently it leads to results on her end :) I'm kidding. Really...)
  
• LOST, because I need something fantastical to escape to every now and then.
• Discovering that you can buy supplies on Etsy for craft projects! I have become a button collecting FANATIC (one day they'll be used for something; now they're just pretty to look at), and eBay is no longer cutting it. I was elated to discover how to find them and other crafting supplies on Etsy yesterday.
• The chance to go to dinner and the movies with J and friends this weekend. Even more exciting since J proclaimed two months ago that he no longer likes going to movies and would prefer to watch them at home in his Lay-Z-Boy.
• Dr. Seuss, for enchanting the mind of another generation of readers. Who cares if he was probably on drugs while writing his books.
• My health and the health of my family.
• Happiness in my life. I am in the longest single stretch of happiness in my almost 28 years of living, and it makes me...happy.
• The mass of fabric, paint, ribbon, beads, and button knick knacks that I have amassed. I love to sit back and just imagine what they can one day become.
• Molly and Lacey, my slightly overweight, completely lovable fur balls who show me everyday the meaning of unconditional love.
• Water. We had been frighteningly without up until the start of winter, and our area is finally in a position of cautious excitement.
  
• Comfort in a time of confusion.
• An (almost) organized house.
• Family. They aren't perfect (and whose is?), but they are mine, they love me, I love them, and I wouldn't be the woman I am without them.
  
• The people that I've met through blogging. You listen to my irrational fears and stories of happiness, and your help this week has meant the world to me.

I encourage you to take Mommy Mo's initiative and think about what is important in your life and what you have to be thankful for. It will surely put a smile on your face and a little peace and joy in your heart, because no matter who we are or what we are facing, there is at least ONE thing in life and this world to be thankful for.

Airing Out My Fears and Apprehension

I am a worrier by nature, but I credit myself a lot for making improvement with this in the past few years. I am getting better at just rolling with the punches and trying to let things happen as they will. I have learned that stressing myself out over things that I have no control over is pointless at best and can get you into a depressive hole very quickly if you let it.

However, a few things are starting to really work their way into the deep parts of my mind.

The "silly" one first.

Will I ever get Livers potty trained? Because her la-di-da approach to it is starting to get under my fingernails just a wee bit. The logical part of my brain screams not to push her. She'll be ready when she's ready, and forcing the issue will make it worse. However, the exhausted mom who's sick of changing poop diapers and the husband who's had enough want her to get this the eff over.

Next, it's the economy, stupid.

I feel that I've been pretty reserved with my fears. I watch the DOW ticker on CNN bounce up and down (OK, just fall down, down, down) just like any other Joe Schmoe American, but I've been quite realistic with how it will effect me personally. My husband and I didn't get ourselves over our heads when we could've. We've been pretty decent about managing our debt. He has a pretty solid job that should stay that way. But on bad days it can be very difficult to keep myself from imagining when the house of cards will fall for us and things will REALLY start to hit home. I pray that we will continue to have the blessings that we have had.

Finally, the big one.

I have been pretty peach keen (how 50's of me to say so) until this weekend when the Swine Flu media blitz started to hit a fever pitch. I don't know if it is the constant media coverage or the documentary still fresh in my mind that I watched not two months ago that described what would likely happen in the next pandemic, but I am quite frankly scared s#@less. I can usually push my (irrational) fears into the recesses of my mind, but this has been all-consuming to me for days. A lot of it has to do with the fact that it's not just me that I have to think about. I have a husband I love and a daughter I adore, and the thoughts of losing one of them or dying myself and not being there to grow old with J or to watch Livers grow up has me sweating. I also know that, unfortunately for the world as a whole in this type of situation, we are a true global society, and any type of illness is 24-hours to anywhere. There is no hiding from illness, because we are all so interdependent on each other as a nation and on other countries that we cannot hole up on the family farm and ride things out, because all of our basic necessities have to come from somewhere or someone else. And we don't have family farms anymore.

I want to stop living in fear. I know I can't throw caution to the wind, but I do want to go on living my life (with care), because worrying about what might not be gets me nowhere and sends my mind down a bad road that is difficult to turn around on. I know this isn't a very chipper post, but I needed to get this out of my head and hopefully gets some words of encouragement and prayers from afar.

Thursday 13, Minus 3 - 10 Random Thoughts of the Moment...OK, Week

Call this an update, if you will.

Ten, because I can't quite get myself to 13 today.

1. I went to the doctor for my "contact dermatitis" (aka, what I think is poison ivy. Thanks, dogs.) I could not longer take the misery of constant scratching that kept me up three (THREE) nights in a row.
2. On that note, steroid packs are awesome.
3. However, the super antihistimine she prescribed to help me sleep and to stop the itch makes me "I'm pregnant" drowsy. Which I assure you I'm not.
4. I rode my new bicycle today. First time I've been on a bike since I was a sophomore in college. I was reminded of just HOW out of shape I actually am.
5. I (accidentally) stabbed myself in the thumb with a pair of scissors today whilst trying to remove the water bottle holder for said bike. How I managed not to fill the neighborhood's cool night air with a barrage of expletives is BEYOND me.
   
6. I have a billion projects I'd like to work on in my head of things to make. I think a problem I have is that I enjoy looking at the things I've collected to incorporate into projects (buttons, fabric, ribbon, beads) so much that it'll be hard to part with them. I guess that just means I'd better stockpile! ;)
7. Last night I totally had a Sweetest Thing moment (you know, the Cameron Diaz/Christina Applegate movie. Total hilarity). Looking at myself while getting ready for bed, I couldn't help but look at myself and go, "22, 28. 22, 28."
8. To that end, I am not against a boob lift after this kids thing is said and done. I'm not a vain person who loves plastic surgery. I just don't want to have monkey boobs the rest of my life.
9. The sound of children whining, no matter the age, is one of the worst sounds in the world. Like fingernails on chalkboard.
10. On the other end, the sound of your child singing has to be one of the most beautiful sounds in the world, right up there with choirs of angels. It can also be hilarious, especially when your child is singing, over and over, "Cheese, cheese, cheese!" to the Jeopardy theme song. Which she does.

"Cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese!"

(Relaxing to the Wiggles, post nap.) They learn so early, don't they?

Enjoying flipping through Mommy's books in her office (aka, the Forbidden Room). She didn't care that they were about breastfeeding and crazy toddlers. She just enjoyed being a big girl.

P.S. Someone needs to stop singing in her crib and take a gosh darn nap already!

A Weekend in Words...and Pictures

Up until today this weekend has been beautiful. Sunny skies and cool breezes. Dogwood trees are blooming like crazy. Temperatures are so mild that you actually want to venture outside. Spring is definitely here. We tried to spend at least some of this gorgeous time outside. (Except right here when I was trying to get a not washed-out picture of a sleeping Livers.)


Thursday Livers and I spent time in the very small part of our yard you can play in getting it and the back porch cleaned up and lounge ready. While I swept, blew, and raked leaves and tidied up, she played with rocks in sticks: a true nature lover. It's actually been quite lovely going out in the yard with her. She is past the age (for the most part) where EVERYTHING goes into her mouth, and she is getting better at listening (with me at least) when I tell her to stay close or to do/not do something. Also, being a true Mama's girl she tends to stick close to me anyway, so I can actually go outside and do some mild yard work without fear of injury.

We've also started going out in the driveway and playing. We have close to an acre of land, but it is very sloped and covered with English ivy, so it's not very child-friendly. As a result the driveway is our main play space. I got her a tricycle and sidewalk chalk to use, but she just wanted to take her "big red car" that she's had for a long time and play with it instead. I showed her how to roll it up the hill and then push it until it crashed at the bottom of the driveway, and she loved that.


Saturday we went to the birthday party of a friend's child. It was a lot of fun, and it was good for us to get to speak to other adults and Livers to get a chance to interact with other kids. Being a stay-at-home mom, she doesn't get many opportunities to do this, but in spite of this she gets along really well with other kids and with adults, too. I think it's a testament to her general good-naturedness and the fact that though I stay at home we get out in public a lot, so she's learned some of her social forays.



I find it interesting observing other people's kids, because you can get a feel of how the kids will probably act when they grow up and how good of a job their parents are doing at raising them. It could be that I'm a little judgmental, but I could basically tell which kids were going to be pretty cool and well-mannered when they grow up and which ones were going to be the jerks. I got really angry at this one little kid (is it bad to have visions of suckerpunching an obnoxious 5-year-old), because she was being rude to Livers. They were playing with a Big Wheel, and all she was doing was opening the door. She wasn't trying to get in but was just investigating, and the boy kept yelling "No, stop it!" and trying to push her away. The Mama Hen in me got really angry. Another kid tried to take something away rudely from her, and I wasn't going to have it so I stepped in and gently but firmly took care of business. On the flip side there were awesome kids who you knew were being raised right. Livy was playing in the Big Wheel and a boy around 7 volunteered to drive her around. He was really sweet about it, and he even helped bring it around back to get recharged. His sisters were just as well-mannered and kind as he.


I got a bike this weekend. I'd wanted one for a long time, and I plan to get one of those child seats that attach so I can get exercise and drive Livers around, too. However, I have a horrible rash on my face right now. I'm pretty sure it's poison ivy that I either got doing yard work or from one of my dogs who probably roll in the stuff when their outside. (I've also read that you can get it from mangos, which we eat a lot of. The same toxin in poison ivy that gives you the rash is also found in mango rind. Who would've thought?) No matter where I got it from, I'm miserable and itchy and red, and I didn't want to make the trip to Wal-mart to get the necessities to make the bike Livers-friendly, so I'll have to wait till later in the week to get it ready. I'm super excited, because I HATE the gym but love walking and riding a bike, so this will be a nice way to get healthy and enjoy the beauty of spring (and the heat of summer).

I got to try and test out some camera functions this weekend, too. I mentioned earlier that the dogwood trees are blooming around here, and in my neighborhood there are literally hundreds (dozens in our tree-filled yard alone), and I enjoyed trying to take a few snapshots. I would love to one day get a D-SLR of some sort so I can take my photography hobby to the next level, but that will definitely be far in the future. I've still yet to take full advantage of Photoshop Elements in exploring digital scrapbooking. I need to hop on that.



Itching aside, this weekend was pretty good. Hope that everyone had a great one yourselves!

The End of Lent - How It Was and What I Learned

Wow. It's been almost two months, TWO MONTHS since I last wrote. It seems like forever but at the same time not all that long ago. I've been contemplating what exactly to write for my first post-Lenten post and wish that I had something monumental and inspiring to share, but I don't. I think I will begin with a "how was Lent and what did I learn" discussion.

Lent for me was a fairly peaceful time this year. I wouldn't call it a life changing spiritual time, but I would say that as a whole I felt a general spiritual peace. Just as with most things that go on in my life I think I could have put in more effort on my part--more prayer, more reading of my Bible, more time going to church--but I do feel more nourished spiritually than if I hadn't put any effort in at all.

I had a goal for myself to read all of the Gospel of Matthew, and I nearly did. I have just two chapters left and I will be able to successfully say that I've read 1/4th of the Gospels. Before Lent I realized that it would be very important as a Christian to have a greater knowledge of just what God says in the Bible, and I felt that at the very least I should read the Gospels. I figured that Matthew was an excellent place to start. I've also always wanted to read John and Acts and never have sat down and read them, so I will soon be starting on these as well. I'd love to also start tackling the Old Testament as well. When I was younger I started reading at the beginning and got stuck when I was somewhere around Deutoronomy. I love you, Lord, but no offense: the 613 Laws can get a little boring sometimes. I think I'll maybe reread Genesis and Exodus and then start in with Joshua and move on through. The history of the Jews fascinates me, and what better place to get their story than here.

As said earlier, I wouldn't call Lent a "life changing" time for me. I had no major spiritual awakenings or enlightenment per se. However, I can say that there were times that in small ways I could feel the hand of God in my life. It would be in simple but very helpful ways such as Him providing me with patience on a day that I felt might be very trying or giving me a calm mind when Livers was throwing a tantrum or behaving in a way that could lend itself to me losing my temper and reacting rather than helping her. I could feel and see his blessings on my family as he put food on our table, a roof over our head, the comforts of home, and in the new things that my daughter is learning. I think sometimes people only notice God in the large ways and as a result get disappointed because things don't happen when or as often as they would like. If we would stop and truly notice everything going on in our lives and around us, from the grandest to the most minute, then we truly would see the hand of God in our daily lives. I think the "stop and smell the roses" mentality is very important when it comes to God in our lives.

So, what did I learn during this Lenten season? I learned that even though I felt I did "OK" on my journey and my attempt to better my relationship with God, I could most certainly improve things. I think that if I put as much effort into my relationship with God as I did with other things in my life (I wouldn't go so far as to say friends, because I'm a bit of a hermit sometimes) then we could be doing much better together. I would like a stronger relationship but need to pray for the strength to go that extra mile. I know He's there if I were to just reach out. I just need to do that.

I also have learned that I actually WANT to start reading the Bible. I've often seen it as a chore that a Christian needs to cross off of their list, and as a result I would only periodically (and I do mean periodically) read a chapter (or verse) or two and then put it down for a long while. I'm reaching a point where I want that knowledge more and more rather than feel I must begrudgingly force it on myself. And I think that it's beautiful that I'm here. I pray it keeps up.

I also learned that it's very important to take stock of the small ways that God is in your day and makes it beautiful, and that I need to find something to be thankful for every day. There have been some days that I have had to seriously wrack my brain to find something, because it's just been "that" kind of day, but I still would try, because when I step back and think about it the beauty and blessings of God are everywhere, from the rain you might find annoying but that provides you with water to drink and keep clean (very important for a region like mine where drought has been prevalent) to the screaming, tantruming child who makes you forget everything with a snuggle at bedtime and a cry for the comfort only you can provide.

My hope and prayer is that I don't let these lessons leave me like I often let them. I want the small bit of spiritual momentum that I have in me right now to grow into something more beautiful and lasting, and I pray that it does.