Yesterday I did something very shocking. Brace yourself for this, because this is one of those once in a blue moon, the planets are aligned, gas is $1 a gallon moments that don't happen very often:
I worked out.
Even stranger, to relieve stress.
I know what you're thinking, "What is WRONG with you, Lindsay? I thought you hated the gym."
Yes, I do. I'm not a huge fan of working out, but the combination of being stuck inside while it rains in buckets (or is just humid and wet from the residual rain) and Livers being so demanding for my attention pushed me to the brink. I needed some sort of escape that was free and helpful, and I hate to admit this, but working out was it.
My husband has a membership to the gym at the university he works at, and I told him to make it a family plan so I could go if I wanted to swim or something (I love pools). Last night I had had one too many, "Hold Youuuuuu!"s from Livers, only to have her squirm out of my arms and cry once she actually was picked up, for my own good, so I told my husband that I wanted out of the house and to the gym. It was surprisingly glorious. I did the elliptical trainer, which is very low impact (I hate running), and the machines have TV's built in (what the heck??), so I watched that while listening to some Booty Bass on my iPhone (hip hop helps me get motivated to work out; I know, I'm weird). Afterwards I walked the track to cool down, and by the time I left I actually felt less stressed. I topped off the relaxation with a Strawberry-Banana smoothie from our local Sonic (only to have the bananas make my insides twist and turn later) and then came home.
I really should have just stayed away.
My husband was putting Livers to bed, so I went in to give her good night kisses, and that was all she wrote. In her almost 20-month-old mind she thought that if she let me go I'd leave her again, and she would.not.let.me.go. I figured I would have to rock her to sleep, which was fine, but she was so on edge with me leaving her so close to bedtime that every time I would try to put her in her crib she'd wake up and start wailing. After a good 40 minutes of rocking and attempting to put her down, I finally threw in the towel. I whispered to her that I loved her and that she needed to be a big girl and go to sleep, and I put her in her crib and left.
I knew that if I kept going back in her room to check on her she'd want me to hold her, and she'd get the message that if I cry long and hard enough that Mommy will get me. I had to be strong and endure the agony of hearing your little pumpkin wail for you at the top of her lungs.
And oh did she wail. And cry pitifully (and forcefully) for Mama. For 40 minutes.
I tried to busy myself. I cleaned up her toys from the den, finally took a shower from getting sweaty at the gym, and started finishing up the dishes from dinner. She finally fell asleep around 10:30, and I felt like such a horrible parent. Your poor child is worried sick that you're going to leave her, and you just let her cry for you for what seems like forever. I know that I did the right thing by Ferberizing her a little bit, but it doesn't make me feel any better. Luckily all seemed to be forgotten in the morning, and she's a happy (and well-rested) little lark now.
I hope to start working out a little bit more from now on. Not so much to lose weight as to get a little healthy, because let's face it, we all could use that, but mostly for stress relief, because admittedly I did feel much better after a little sweat and burn. We'll just have to move the workout time to well before (or well after) Livers bedtime, or all hell will break loose. And Mommy will lose it.
And that is how to ruin Mommy's Moment of Zen.
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P.S. On a Fay note, we had two, count 'em, TWO frickin' tornadoes come through our town yesterday. WTH? Luckily, as far as I know, no one was hurt (except for quite a few trees and a couple of roofs), but man, that was some craziness.
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ETA: It is now October 20th. Can you guess how many times I've been to the gym since this post?
That's right. Bagel.
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86 comments:
oh, I hear you on the Sleep Radar of babies! It's some silly stuff!! No hints here - I am TERRIBLE at getting my kids to bed - so bad they all sleep with me just so I can get SOME sleep!!!
Godd job working out - you're far better than I!
I NEED to work out more. So u have upped me by one. LOL
Just wanted to let you also that I've tagged you with My Random Six on my blog.
Work out? what is this that you speak of?
The first time I was ever on a exercise regimen began in Sept 2006. Once my body got over the initial achs, I turned in an exercise fiend, for the exact reason you listed- stress relief (and being able to leave my kids in the child care center while I exercised). I'm not exercising at all right now, but I will soon. Oh, I listen to hip hop/dance music to get motivated as well.
Don't feel bad about Livers, she's OK. Promise : ).
Kids just know how to push those guilt buttons!!!! Been there many times.
Ah yes, the "work out" - a legend I've heard of, takes place at a mythical location known as "the gym" right?
We have a family membership to our local Y. Over the weekend, Hubby and I were discussing cost-saving measures we could enact for our budget. I was suggesting cancelling the HBO part of our cable package (as The Sopranos and The Wire are no longer on the air, *sniff sniff*) and in response, Hubby said "Well, we pay almost $90 for a family membership to the Y, so if you are never going to go work out, we could switch that for just me to go and save a lot more each month........"
*gulp*
I swore I'd start going again regularly ASAP. After all, I like having the option of being able to work out, even if I rarely do...
WTG taking a step in the right direction.
My daughter says, "Hold you" too! I think it's so cute.
Ha!! Your years of zen are over for awhile...but I promise, they come back!
I'm so glad that we're past the putting to sleep thing, although mind you I still get cranky at my girls some nights when they are in a silly mood and giggling and talking and I'M OVER IT. GO TO SLEEP! Night times are for ME.
And exercise....I'm great at starting (no actually not that great) and terrible at finishing. It's my New Years Resolution EVERY year. And I'm married to a fitness junkie. At least my girls take after him and not me.
I wish we lived in a place that allowed me a quick trip to the gym. Exercise is a huge stress relief that we all owe ourselves. On the putting Livers to bed deal- It doesn't make you a bad parent, it makes you a great parent. Too many parents take the easy way out, being a good parent takes work. Yay for you!!!
I'm not a mom, but I've seen my mommy friends have to do exactly what you did. Pulls at your heartstrings a lot. I hope you find another time to work out... since I'm guessing that was your swansong. :)
LOL - "bagel" - love that!
I don't join gyms anymore - my husband says we do enough charitable donations through the year.
I remember the first time we put Heather to bed and didn't go back in when she cried. She cried for an hour and a half until she just couldn't cry anymore. It was one of the worst experiences of my life and I really thought the neighbors were going to call the police on us or something. But it worked and it was the right thing to do. Of course, I can say that now, 20 some years later. :)
I wish I could say it was my children stopping me from working out, but sadly it's me and my own laziness. Before I worked again, I did belong to the gym and I felt great when I worked out.
I have no strength when it comes to Sonic anything.
Thanks for the reminder to hit the gym...yea thanks alot LOL
What you need is a workout partner. A fellow mommy who can make it at least a little bit...fun.
I'm telling you, it's worked wonders for my stress level.
Good luck!
Is that when you take your lap top out onto the patio?
LOL
It's been way too long. Reading your post made me miss it.
Not the screaming baby...althought maybe even that a little :)
I love exercise as a de-stresser!! I'm so sorry there was re-stress.
You did the right thing, trust me. I have a five year old and a two year old. I learned after rocking and nursing my first one to sleep as a baby that when they get older and you can't do that anymore, letting them cry it out a little is the best way to teach them to self-soothe and fall asleep on their own. Teaching them when they are infants to fall asleep on their own saves a lot of headaches when they become toddlers. I know it was difficult, but it sounds like you know you did the right thing for you and for Livers.
two tornadoes is two too man!! yikes
The more you go workout, the more Livers will get used to it. It's so good for BOTH of you!!
That being said, parenting is hard. lol
That is so sad for you! I miss zen too.
When my children were little like yours, I was always desperate for some PHYSICAL time alone. Good for you!
Hilarious! Yesterday I reacquainted myself with our treadmill after not having used it for a month. Ugh. Keep it up! Livers will get used to it.
TWO tornadoes? They scare the you-know-what out of me!
oh boy. that was a tough one, huh? but you did the right thing!!!
I've listened to mine cry for 1 hour and 15 minutes before. I think I actually cried more than she did!
You could always revert to my newest plan of exercise. You know, the one I've been blogging about for 9 days now? It's a guaranteed 20 minutes of cardio and not only does it help your fitness, hubby's pretty happy when it's all said and done too. *Wink*Wink*
You know what, funny thing is if you came home 30 minutes later she was fast asleep with daddy putting her in the bed. I have realized that sometimes they do the unexpected - go to sleep without mom, and easy too.
I hate working out too!
You definitely did the right thing, but it is so hard! My little girl pulled a similar stunt last night and man oh man does it tear my heart apart to hear her scream for Momma. Don't worry, she won't remember. :P
I work out at home, but sometimes the little girl doesn't let me- she'll do anything to avert my attention to her, including climbing on my stomach and bouncing while I try to do crunches, standing on my exercise band when I use it.. etc etc. lol. So you were probably much more relaxed, getting OUT of the house!
I understand the letting them cry...it hurts, but it is for their own good. I know when we did this when he was 4-5 months it was so hard. I could only do it for 5 minutes at a time, but now I know when he's tired & just trying too hard to stay awake to look at my beautiful face (well at least he thinks so!). :)
And I love to swim, too, but so does Moose. I wish we had an indoor pool somewhere.
Way to be strong! I have the hardest time with my 3 yr old getting her to go to sleep at a decent hour!
Ah, I remember those days. Pure torture and agony. At 7 he occasionaly asks "Lay down with me." :)
Oh, it's so hard to get the motivation to work out. I try to do it after my girls are in bed, but I'm often so tired after coming out of that room that it just doesn't happen. We just got an elliptical, so I'm hoping that seeing that new pretty machine will get me hopping...
Maybe I need to try that for stress!
It's all about the exercize videos for me, but do I do them? Noooooo.
That is so hard the first time...but so well worth it in the end. They'll never remember and you get the sleep you need. Everyone is happier. Great job!
Sometimes the hardest, most heart wrenching parenting is the most important.
i wish working out relieved my stress! It stresses me out to even think about the gym!!!
Heehee, sometimes we have to condition our MINDS to be able to work out before actually working out...you know, think about it for a couple of months in preparation...!
And leaving a crying baby alone is TORTURE! Way to go for sticking to your guns.
Ahhh, the wonder of endorphines!
You did the right thing! We have been through the exact same thing!
We are working on getting a bike trainer so I can work out IN the house. Now that will be nice.
Well good for you for getting off your tail and working out...I have all good intentions of doing that and never do it(too busy making excuses and that takes a lot of energy!) It so hard to listen to our little one cry, but we have had to that also!
It's always nice to be able to get in a workout and have some "me time." I always have to do it after the girls go to bed too, it just makes life easier. Good for you, I hope you've kept it up.
Been there. Our little ones know just how to stick the knife in the ol' heart, don't they? You did the right thing though.
Know how you feel. When my son was little, he would wail every time I left- thus ripping my heart out when I had to go somewhere. He's now 4 1/2 and totally over that. :)
Crap... Now IIIII have to go work out.
See what you made me do?
Oh, been there. Not fun. And I don't mean the tornadoes...
:^) Anna
Brutal! Poor you, poor her!
Maybe that's what I should do to relieve some of my stress. Goodness knows I've been paying for the stupid membership forever now and I never go.
Congrats on being saucy!!!
I started reading this post and the first thing that came to my mind was that I need to go to the gym!
I hated letting my kids cry.......but hey, it builds character! Right?
I love the ellptical!
Crying out sucks. I remember sitting outside my younger son's bedroom, sobbing in the hallway because all I really wanted to do was go cuddle with him.
Fast forward four years, and he's no worse for the wear. Well, I guess that debatable.
Happy SITS day..congrats on being featured. You are a much better human than me....you exercise which is very admirable and probably works better for stress relief than what I did. I just hid in the closet and ate chocolate!
Very funny story... sorry your Zen moment was ruined though!
Hi Lindsay,
I hate working out, too! My idea of exercise is baking a chocolate cake! :)
Hugs, Bebe
I realized I was sitting here nodding my head through most of the article. Oh how we have all been there.
Working out was my escape from my oldest son when he was little. My second one I am more lazy and just don't do it. I also worked out to releive stress and I always felt better after the work out.
You have more will power than me. I just can't leave my babies to cry for more than a couple minutes and I am right back their to them. It makes things harder on me but I find it harder listing to them cry.
see we are just not suppose to work out. the kids don't want us too.
I've been there. With my first child, I worked out during her nap time. Now I resent losing that "me" time so I go to the gym. They have good child care and the little guy doesn't mind--however, it sounds like your daughter might not want you to leave her. It's tough, I know.
That is a tough one - always has been. I have 3 kids (they are now 16, 17 and 21( -- Wow I really fell old now --
Anyway...I remember the first time I had to let mine cry herself to sleep. It was absolute torture. And then I continued to torture myself with thoughts of being a bad mommy. Later I thought having to do that again with another child would be easier. Nope - wrong again - each child, each time - heartbreaking. Where is that Darn Manual?
I remember escaping from my house and calling home to say " are they all asleep yet?"
I hear you! My 9-month old has just started the seperation anxiety stage. It's gotten to the point that I have to let his dad put him to bed. If I try I'll end up spending the night in the rocking chair. The "I'm a bad mom" feeling seems to follow me whether I'm rocking him to sleep or trying to let him cry- there's NO winning!!!
Gym? What is that?
Right there with you. Nice job sticking with it, though, once you decided to Ferberize. I cave once in a while.
Gotta get back to the gym...such good stress relief!
Kyra used to hold her breath if someone else had to put her down for bed or a nap- the dr said to let her that she'd pass out before she lost too many brain cells- yeah, right.
Sucker mama (me) made sure to be the one from then on.
Now her son is the opposite- wonderful for us and horrible at going to bed for her. I think it just depends on the kid.
It will eventually get better, though, that's a promise.
One of the fortunate few over here- none of my children suffered from separation anxiety; as a matter of fact, my daughter informed me on the second day of preschool that I needed to get a move along- "we only have once the parents are gone!"
My 4 year old still cries every night when I leave his room. Way too attached to me.
comin over from sits...
That's got to be so hard to hear her cry- but I totally agree you've got to let them cry it out sometimes.
Way to go with your gym endeavor... I have good intentions! :)
If I were a smarter woman, I'd open a manicure/pedicure/spa/trashy magazine place and name it "The Gym." Then we would all be clambouring to go to The Gym, and hopefully the Zen effects would be longer lasting.
At least you had a mommy moment. It's been a while since I've had my own mommy moment. I have let my two cry themselves to sleep at times but I never did it everyday. THey like being rocked and I loved rocking them. HUGS
Oh. My. God. mrsmouthy is a GENIOUS! Wow!
I go through gym spurts too - I love it when I'm into it but it takes me maybe ONE day out and I'm done for a few months/years!
trying is half the battle, isn't it?
Guuurl,
Gotta train 'em young. Then, you can treat the gym like a country club with guilt.
What's a gym? LOL! And sometimes you really do have to just put your baby to bed and leave - for your own sanity!
I have decided to take up running since no matter what I do I can't find a good time to make it to the gym.
This momma desperately needs some Zen moments!
Oh I love the days I make it to the gym... if only because that means it wasn't a horribly yucky stressful day where I couldn't get away. And ummm although I brought my workout stuff on vacation, I've yet to even start finding out where the fitness center is :)
I hate ferberizing. Hate. It. We had to do that with my oldest daughter for like 18 months, it was SO brutal! It makes you want to cry and feel like a crap parent.
Working out is pretty much last on my priority list too. I did it some this summer but once my son started screaming every time I dropped him off at childcare,it was more stressful and wasn't worth it.
I used to go to this wonderful pilates class at the YMCA. I'd drop my kids off in their little childcare place and head for the mat for an hour of stretching, peace, and slightly painful relaxation. It was wonderful.
Then I'd have to get the boys, get them into their coats, drag them out of the childcare kicking and screaming, chase them out of the racquetball court, herd them to the car, deal with traffic, break up a fight or two . . . you get the picture.
Motherhood is nothing if it's not interesting.
I had to let my firstborn cry it out for a few days to get him to sleep through the night. He was 10 months old, and I was exhausted. I felt horrible at the time, but teaching him to go to sleep was an important lesson. And we were both so much happier when he was well rested!
Yes, sleep issues are the worst! My youngest willnot fall asleep with me holding her or rocking her.
40 minutes is a long time to listen to a toddler scream. Congrats for sticking it out, it's enough to put anyone over the edge. I'm on a workout kick since yesterday, I've fit it in approximately zero times. Yay, motivation.
I hate going to work out, but once I am there I'm glad I did it.
You will be a better mommy for taking the time for you!
{{{HUGS}}} I so remember these days, and I know how you feel. Mine are 8, 14 and 15 now and I am living proof that it does get better. Or at least NEW things are substituted to ruin those zen moments. BAHAHAHAHA
Working out to relieve stress? Now THAT'S a novel thought! I'm with you: I like pools. I need to get back into swimming laps!
Ha!! Your years of zen are over for awhile...They do come back, I promise!
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