WordFUL Wednesday - It's Finally Happened...

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I've always been one of those "it'll never happen to me" Moms. You know:

Toy Store Meltdown? "It'll never happen to me."

A lunch of peanut butter and jelly. Everyday. "It'll never happen to me."

Sweet baby cries her brains out when you put her to bed. And you cave and go back in to rock her to sleep. "It'll never happen to me."

Well, I was fo' sure not gonna have a baby that takes off her diaper and tries to run around the house naked. At MY house, we have certain levels of decorum that must be maintained. And bare-assedness is certainly NOT one of them. (Quick jaunts from shower to bedroom for clothes aside.)

Well sports fans, it happened to me.

While sitting at my computer this evening, catching up on the comment love from all the wonderful SITStas that stopped by today (Holla!), I heard Livers conversating with herself. Usually I just pass it off as the cute little ramblings of a 21-month-old's mind, but this was different.

She was talking about Elmo. This usually isn't a problem, because my baby LOVES her some Elmo (and Cookie Monster and Big Bird and Ernie and the whole cast of Sesame Street...she can identify them all by name). But she wasn't watching Sesame Street. Heck, I think Lawrence Welk or some old people TV was on. (I hadn't changed the channel from SS this morning.)

Then it hit me. She wears Pampers Cruisers, which to her delight have Sesame Street characters on them.

I get up from my comfy perch in front of my computer, and to my horror (but giggles, too) is Livers, next to the baby gate, butt @ss naked talking to the Elmo on her diaper.

I yell for J to come in here and look, to which he says, "I TOLD you she could take off her outfit!"

She had tried to take off her diaper earlier in the day while we were changing her clothes, but I thought I'd nipped it then. Jeremy and I put her diaper and clothes back on, sternly tell her that we don't take off our diapers or undiewears in the house, and send her on her merry way.

I sit back at my computer to continue checking out blogs and reading comments, and I settle back down for a few minutes. Then my Mommy-dar picked up on an unsettling quiet from the den. Something was definitely up. I get up from my perch AGAIN, and this is what I found:


I immediately yelled for J AGAIN to come in, and got my camera out before she got down. Priorities, right? She looked at me and smiled her goofy grin and started saying "cream", because her hiney was itching and she needed relief.


However, when Jeremy came in to fetch Little Miss Booty Baby, we found that her table dancing endeavors were not quite so innocent. Livers had had one of the world's largest pee fests ALL.OVER.THE.TABLE. And the floor. And her toy box. And half of the toys that it contained.

After taking the obligatory photos because, I mean, who WOULDN'T, I picked her up and threw her in the bath tub for a quick disinfection while Jeremy dealt with the mess.


After putting her in a onesie I KNEW she couldn't take off I went to disinfecting her pee-soaked toys in a hot Clorox bath. Some moms would just wipe that crap off and give it right back to baby, but I draw the line at that.

We had a fairly uneventful, pizza-filled evening after that. Until she pooped and decided her butt itched AGAIN and got poop on her hands, which she proceeded to wipe on a Little People toy and then stick her fingers in her mouth.

Sweetie, if you want a chocolate lollipop, I'll go buy you some brown cows. You don't need to sample the leftovers. For all that is good and holy, please keep your hands out of your trousers!

So for those moms in the "My kid takes off their diapers, runs around the house naked, AND plays with their poop like a common jungle monkey" club, scoot over on the bench. You've got a new member.